bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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