I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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