Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize