are you so shy because you have an std?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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