i would punch a child for taco bell
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
