you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I have fence marks all over my body
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
