you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
