Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
