Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
