He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
