I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
