two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
