thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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