I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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