No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
