New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
