I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
is that a dick in a sweater?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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