i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
