I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
