well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
