never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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