i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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