all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
