I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
