If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
