laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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