Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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