Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
