My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
