Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Randomize
