thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
