I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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