she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
