before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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