i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
