how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
