i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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