An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
