Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
