just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
