I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
3pm strippers are depressing
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
