Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
