Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
