His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I've blown a few things in my day
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
