This dress was meant to end up on your floor
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
