they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Everclear isn't food dammit
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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