i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
