I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
