I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
