What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
