Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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