Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
