mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
