I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
