I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
