Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
third nipple confirmed
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
