first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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