I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
