I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
