He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
birth control should be required to get into college
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
