I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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