Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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