seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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