I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
